drop

drop

I stand at the door and knock. [Jeremiah 29:11]

While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”  He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother. [Matthew 12:46-50]

So, I have to admit in the safe space of our little community that I think maaaybe, I’m a hoarder — or at least right on the cusp of being on a reality TV show where, they go through my things and tell me: I have a problem. I just can’t let go of things. And sadly whenever I try to, I often end up regretting it a few days, months, sometimes even years later. The amount of times I’ve thrown something away and then later turned the house upside down, wondering “just where has that really useful item gone?” is just too many to count now.  I like to tell myself it’s because I care. The world could use more sentimentality anyway right? It’s practically akin to kindness — and we all know kindness is the only real, truly valuable, currency of this life. 

This feeling to hold on tightly to everything, quadruples when it comes to my family; my big three: mum, brother, sister. I remember my time at university being so tumultuous but particularly so, when things at home were not good or my mum was going through a something difficult and I couldn’t be there for her in the same way. When their world was not going well, mine was just as shaken many miles away. I held onto them and their happiness so tightly I couldn’t hold much else, my heart was already so heavy and full with (anxious) love for them.

There is a story about Jesus’ life that challenges me and comes to  my mind often when I think about these things. To set the scene, Jesus has been preaching and teaching and wherever he goes different crowds of people want to talk to him, ask him questions about life, get healed from different ailments or just be in his presence because well, there’s just something about him. During one of these times some of his closest friends come to him in a room full of people and say to him ‘Rabbi your mother and brothers are outside.’ I cannot tell you the way I will drop everything in order to help my brother or sister. Jesus’ reaction on the other hand, is so personally jarring to me; but it holds a deep life truth. Does God have my deep affection? do I see myself primarily as God’s beloved child or primarily as someone's brother, sister, mother, friend daughter, colleague… the list goes on. Where is my identity? What does my world revolve around? What or whom would I drop everything for. Is it Jesus? 

I remember when I first started dating James, we went to church together often and on many countless occasions it usually allowed for really intentional quality time to pray and chat together after the service. On one such occasion we were chatting and reflecting with one another and he shared that he had this picture in his head when we were praying together which he proceeded to tell me about. The mental image was of me trying to run up a set of stairs to a person surrounded in light, to such an extent they were largely amorphous and indistinguishable from the brightness around them. But every time I tried to run up the stairs my hands were so full of all this precious gold plated kitchen and home ware; I would try run up a few stairs and inevitably something would fall out of my hands which were literally, over spilling with the crockery pots and pans— making a loud clanging noise as they clattered down the stairs behind. I would scramble around after them trying to pick them up. Sometimes they would fall again immediately, sometimes it would all balance just so and I would try to run up the stairs again, only to find myself caught in the loop of falling precious things again and again. 

Needless to say, when he finished describing this scene to me, I was in silent tears. I knew in my heart what God was trying to say to me. As precious and beloved as those pots and pans were, I had to let them go, empty my arms and let it all drop and clatter to the ground. I needed to get up those stairs and into His arms instead. I still love my family dearly, they are genuinely some of my favourite people to be around; all day, everyday, full stop. Even today at 30 years old there are times when I still long for my childhood with my siblings deeply, in every fibre of my being. They were my first best friends and we went through everything together. 

Nevertheless. 

I share this very personal story with you Beloved in the hope that it might bless someone or get you to reflect on your life and where there might be areas in your heart where there is no room for God because, its so full of something else. Even if that something else is a good and beautiful thing like your family, (or desire to be married one day, or to have that house or dream job). Whatever your heartfelt hoarding looks like, choose to drop it all now, let it fall away and instead run into the open arms of your Father. There is always more of God, the question is whether or not we make room in our hearts for Him. 

What is that dream, hope, person or thing you can’t live without; or which completely undoes you when it’s not working out, like you’d hoped, imagined or planned? Feel what you need to feel and then let it go Beloved. Do not let it consume you. God stands at the door of your heart and knocks make room for him; especially in that really embarrassing untouched corner that you avoid looking at, that’s his favourite spot.

Lord may you help us drop that which is heavy and ill fitting in our lives, be that expectations we cannot meet, or standards we cannot maintain. Help us to let them go with grace and ease; living instead, in Your presence and peace. Father may we step into more and more belonging and belovedness may we drop our heavy hearts and big dreams and instead let You carry us, let you hold us and see us through this journey called life.

breath in

and drop, that which does not serve you anymore. Especially those burdens, actions and thoughts of particular unkindness towards others and towards yourself.

breath out

God’s purpose and goodness, for your life. Trusting He will not give you anything ill-fitting or heavy laden. 

Enjoy your practice! (its a lovely little 22mins long)

ImagoDei Wellbeing & Yoga meditation flow (it’s 32 mins long) 

(Christ-)Mindful Tip:

third eye.

“ ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ Jesus asked him. The blind man said, ‘Rabbi, I want to see.'

“For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.” [Psalm 36:9]

Instead of the weird third eye, consider the Bible passage Mark 10:46-52. I think it’s fascinating that in the passage above, after Jesus has explained his death, where his disciples don’t see, understand or believe Him when He tries to tell them about what will happen to him soon (death on a cross); we immediately have the story of blind Bartimaeus having his eyes opened. He says to Jesus, ‘I want to see’ (v.51). Jesus replies, ‘Go… your faith has healed you.’ Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus’ (v.52). The word used for healed is the same Greek word as saved (sozo). 

And in that we see the link being subtly made, between our spiritual and emotional wellbeing and our physical bodies. Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see, may it connect to my mind and change the way I see the world. May my perspective, opinions and responses be coloured by that change, first visible in my heart. May the way I move, live and be in this world; be changed as a result. Open my eyes Lord I want to see... 

Third eye alternative:

Put your hands in prayer on your forehead and say to yourself ‘Lord open me up to see that I may be all eye. 

My hands to see where I can help. My heart to see where I can show kindness. My ears to see where I can be a listening friend. My mind to see where I can show non-judgmental compassion and seek to understand myself and my fellow man. My feet to see where I can be quick to go and lend support. My mouth to see the broken and hurt and instead speak dignity and divinity into that space. Lord may my entire being be all eye ready to see your will and evidence of your grace in this world.

A little mindful history (if you’re interested). Did you know that according to Collins dictionary on Google the ‘third eye’ is often referred to as the pineal gland which was (and in some circles still is), believed by people to be the source of spiritual insight? Renee Descartes described it as: ‘the seat of the soul’. (Personally I love that, it’s so very poetic). The main function of the pineal gland is to receive information about the state of the light-dark cycle from the environment and convey this information to produce and secrete the hormone melatonin. The pineal gland was commonly dubbed the “third eye” for many reasons, including its location deep in the center of the brain and its connection to light. And so mystic and esoteric spiritual traditions suggest it serves as a metaphysical connection between the physical and spiritual worlds. Maybe this information will help you feel less uncomfortable suspicious and disconnected from the concept. Sometimes “magic or mysticism that we don’t understand yet is just science that hasn’t yet been revealed or understood” (Arthur C Clarke).  Next time it comes up in your practise do one of the mindful prompts above instead or simply pray: the words of Psalm 36:9, “For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.” Lord thank you that you are Light and that you spoke it into existence. Help me to speak light into dark situations I may not understand and cause me pain. Thank you that in your light, we see light to guide our days.