Listen

listen

“Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honour. He who answers a matter before he hears it— this is folly and disgrace to him. The spirit of a man can endure his sickness, but who can survive a broken spirit?.” Proverbs 18:1

I confess from the word go, that: I am a terrible listener and more often than not, I listen in order to respond. As soon as my friend is talking I’m thinking about what I’ll say and what I think about what they’re sharing. How can I help? What similar life experience can I bring to the table of this conversation? I don’t mean to be selfish but I know if any of the pithy pop psychology blog posts I read, have taught me anything, its that: I could be better at listening. 

I think God is highlighting this for me this week (a little too much if I’m honest). I recently reached out to the new Christian Yoga Magazine over in the U.S. launching its first issue this May/June. They were looking for regular article contributors and also essay submissions for this first issue. Needless to say, I thought it would all be fun and games, writing sounds exciting right? Wrong. Writing is staring into the white abyss of your screen’s blank page, trying to be fearless but really, absolutely terrified that: if you ever even come up with something to write, it won’t be good enough or worse- someone else has already said it and so no one cares what you have to say now anyway… anyone one else feel this, just me?

We can cut a traumatic week short by saying that I had many edits, rewrites and feedback messages back and forth from lovely friends. It was BRUTAL. It could be to do with the fact that our brain has a negativity bias, which makes it like velcro for the bad and teflon for the good - you know that amazing non stick coating on all our pans and is in 99% of all living creatures (darn you evil corporations!!) haha I digress. The point is, I want to be amazing and self assured and willing to learn and improve- I just happen to lack the one skill thats needed for that, being a good listener, being willing to receive feedback. The irony runs deep: this entire christian yoga dream is based on the desire to improve this business and have a successful actual launch of it one day soon. 

Over and over again, psychologists find that our brain automatically triggers negative feelings because it reacts more quickly, persistently and strongly to bad things than to equivalent good things.* I guess that’s why I could read 3 good feedback points and still only really remember the one that was critical or shall we say “constructive”. In the same way in marital interactions, it takes at least five good actions to make up for the damage of one bad one. Your mind naturally overemphasises the negative. All I know is, I hate feeling inadequate and attacked and my brain interrupts feedback as exactly those two things: I’m not good enough or doing a good enough job and this person is not on my team anymore

The good news is: we can actively change this and science has proven that we can rewire our brain through proactive and most importantly habitual repetition. We are therefore able to instal a new programme by cultivating positive habits. Or put another way: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, [with its inbuilt negativity bias] but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2) 

Enter Yoga and and an entire industry of mindfulness and wellbeing. What or who are you making habit of  listening to and more importantly what are you saying to yourself daily? Who can survive a broken spirit where the self talk and inner narrative are stuck on a negativity loop of how you’re just not good enough. As Lao Tzu said ‘Watch your thoughts they become words, watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions they become habits. Watch your habits they become character.  

When I think of what Jesus has to say about listening I am reminded quite ominously of his classic phrase “those who have ears to hear let them hear”.  In the bible the word for listen is ‘shema’. Hebrew writers use the word to pay attention to, focus on or it can also mean responding to. Asking God to listen, is asking god to act and do something. In ancient Hebrew there is no word for ‘obey' to listen is to obey. *

So in the Bible of you want to say I will listen and do what you say you would use the one word: shema and so listening and doing are two sides of the same coin. Hence Jesus saying, ‘If you have ears to hear, let him listen’. Real listening takes effort and action giving respect to the one who has spoken by doing what they say. By this definition, do I listen to God? Do I read his word, hear it and act on it? 

Those who have “ears to hear” allow the Word to bear fruit to the glory of God. It is up to the hearer to decide whether to take the Word seriously and pursue understanding; only a few are willing—the rest have ears, but they do not have “ears to hear” Whenever Jesus says, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear,” He is calling for people to pay careful heed. “Unless they were willing to tune out other distractions and come to Jesus to understand the meaning of His preaching, His words would be only empty stories. They needed more than ears, however keen they were; they needed ears to hear. Seeking God’s truth takes energy and focus; it takes a willingness to be challenged and changed. While the way of God’s truth is not the most convenient or fun path to take, we can be assured that it is the best one” *(disclaimer: this was from an article I read and liked which now I cannot find anywhere on the internet in order to reference it well).  No wise conclusions today just honestly sharing: I’m on a journey. I want to be a better listener, to better hear Gods truth over my life and live it out. Secure, confident and yet humble from that solid ground that I am beloved. 

Beloved as you move and breathe on the mat this week, listen to your inner dialogue do you meet your limitations with compassion and kindness or frustration and comparison? Think and talk like you love yourself, like Jesus would think and talk to you, on the mat but more importantly off the mat too. 

I honour the dignity and divinity within you Beloved- may it shine forth and be a light unto your path and to others, a lamp unto your feet: guiding and directing your steps today. Until next time, go in peace and be well. 🧘🏾‍♀️✨

breath in

Lord give me ears to hear : not just  to listen to but to act on your Word and the deeper Life truth you have for me - open my heart to understand what my mind might want to dismiss.

breath out

Lord help me let go :  of the the tension and mistrust I can carry towards you even without realising it. Help me surrender to you and melt into this moment of of your kind and everlasting embrace. 

(Christ)-Mindful tip: Why not play this song during your Savasana today, have ears to hear God’s heart towards you today and always…  

Enjoy your practice! (its 27mins long) 

*References:

The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathon Haidt [2009]

Why marriages succeed or fail. And how to make yours last, J. Gottman [1994]

‘Shema' word study, The Bible Project, Youtube video